December 30th, 2009

(no subject)

I've decided that I have to be more honest about my disability.  Unless there is only Tony and me (and to a certain extent my sister-in-law Ruth) I behave as though I'm often tired and sometimes in pain.  The truth is that I'm always in pain and often tired - sometimes pain related, sometimes not.  I have Fibromyalgia, diabetes type 2 ('cos I'm fat) at least one prolapsed disc, no kneecap on my left knee and one that's falling apart on the right, bursitis in both hips and arthritis in my neck, hands and right hip.  I also have Ocular hypertension - which I think is quite funny - it means high pressure in my eyes - don't know anything more about it but it doesn't seem to do much.

I take 240mg Dihydrocodeine, 1200 mg Ibuprofen and either 8 paracetamol or a mixture of paracetamol and 30/500 co-codamol every day as pain relief.  It takes the edge off it, but all I have to do is to stand for a minute or bend or try and get up from a chair and the pain is bad.

Tony looks after me - he puts Transvasin or Diclofenac cream on my hips, lower back, right back (over my liver area) neck and shoulders at least twice a day.

I do pretend to be fine when we go out or to my parents or in-laws.  I try to help out - how can I let elderly relatives wait on me - I should be doing stuff for them.  I feel guilty.  There again if I came clean with them about how I really am, perhaps they wouldn't look at me as though I'm being idle - or that could be my projection - I do at times think that I'm 'getting away with it' and am a workshy whatever, yet ...

Don't get me wrong - I'm not depressed by it all.  I love my life - perhaps that's why I think I'm workshy - I shouldn't be so content.  We don't have much money - but how many countries would give us all that we have.  Sickness payments, disability payments and Tony paid (a small amount) to stay home and look after me.

That's my 'naming my demons'.  Now I can just get on with my life.

We had a wonderful Xmas at my mother-in-law's.  Xmas dinner was served by Tony's sister Jenny, who as usual put together a wonderful lunch  This is her working hard.

I went to church on Xmas morning with Shirley (m-i-l) but neither of us found it very fulfilling.  On Boxing Day Shirley's friend Nora came over for lunch and spent the afternoon arguing with Tony while Shirley and I watched the horse racing.  Shirley is into her racing as she has a couple of horses in training for jump racing - They Hardy Boy, who has won a few races in his time and Twin Bud - bred from a winning mare Little Bud who won for her in the past.  Twin Bud has only run one race so far and didn't do too badly.

Now I would like to wish all my Live Journal friends a very Happy New Year - I hope it's a year of dreams and contentment.

Love and hugs.xx