February 23rd, 2008

(no subject)

I had a really nice comment on a post of mine this week from katjamoon.  In it she says how in the past she has been a little frightened of me and how I can come across as waspish.  My immediate thought was 'what waspish, me?', but it made me think of our perception of ourselves and others and how perception and seeing are different.

It fitted in nicely with the course I'm studying with the Open University this year - Shakespeare, Text and Performance.  For my first assignment I've had to close read a piece of text from Act 2 scene 2 of A Midsummer Night's Dream - from when Robin (Puck) finds Lysander sleeping until Hermia wakes up - and, of course, this play is about - among other things - perception and seeing.  When Robin finds Lysander and Hermia asleep he thinks that Lysander must have refused to sleep with Hermia - to him it's unnatural for a young couple not to sleep together.  

My perception has been that tv/film replaced theatre, after all they can go places, show things, do things that theatre can't, recently my perception has changed.  Theatre isn't a very poor copy of tv and film - it's a different experience altogether. 

I've always been loth to go to the theatre, always noticing the lack of - space, reality etc., the tear in a curtain, the noise the dancers make.  I know that I'm an escapist, I won't watch programmes that show how things are done in films .  Perhaps Shakespeare is making the difference, but I don't think so.  I just think that I'm growing up - finally, not bad at 53 (lol) - well maybe not growing up, but maturing at last.  

I'm a lot more laid back than I ever have been. poliphilo gave me permission right back when we first met to be myself and after 17 years I think I'm finding out who 'myself' can be.  Yet, 'myself' is constantly changing.

I expect that everyone changes, but I believed - was brought up to believe - that it wasn't allowed.  I spent so many years fitting into the mould my parent's gave me.  Trying to be their perception of me, that it's no wonder I was so uptight.  I was supposed to be a problem, a dunce, never amounting to anything, unlovable, always letting people down.  I think that when poliphilo threw my mother out of the house for telling him this, I learnt that his perception was different.  It has taken me another 10 years to learn that everyone's perception of me is different again, and that my perception of others - and myself - is just that, my perception.

So katjamoondid me a big favour this week, not only did she make me think about perception, she helped me to write an essay.  All I need to work out now is how to be me without coming across as waspish, I think it's just my dry wit, but I can see that I perhaps need to moderate it a little.
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